Help...I'm Stuck!

What do you do when you're stuck...pray is usually the answer I give. However, it seems much harder to take my own advise when I'm the one who is stuck in a situation that I don't particularly enjoy being in. Last February I found out that I was going to be laid off from my teaching job, but that I wouldn't be laid off until August. So in the mean time I worked and applied for as many jobs as possible. When August came around and I hadn't received a single interview I started to panic. Eventually, I unwillingly had to apply for unemployment. At first I enjoyed the time off and while still applying for jobs jumped head first into creating as many crafts as I possibly could. It was great! I love creating art! If it paid well, it's what I would do all the time!

Anyway, last week I received a phone call from a photo studio that wanted to interview me over the phone and then after that if they liked what they heard they would call me in for a face to face interview. Well, the chick said she felt good about everything I said and would pass my information on to the next person to call me for a face to face interview. At the time I thought that meant that I for sure had another interview. Today I still hadn't heard from anyone so I called and asked the girl about the interview and she told me that it was basically if the person higher up wanted to interview me then they would call. So I guess the fact that she approved didn't matter at all. Needless to say I'm a little frustrated and not exactly any closer to having a job than I was.

To top that off yesterday we found out that my husband does not have 2 more semesters of school left, but three more. So we are officially stuck in this jobless city for another year and a half. Eventually, my unemployment is going to run out and then what are we suppose to do for money? I'm officially starting to panic and at a lost as to what I should do next. I've applied for every job I possibly could and no one has called me back. I feel like all the hard work and effort I put into getting through school and working different jobs to get experience has just been a waste. However, to every sob story there is a silver lining...the only problem is I'm not completely positive it is a silver lining because I don't know if my idea will work.

After my craft frenzy began I started to think that it would be fun to own my own boutique shop and photography studio. It sounds like a great idea and right now due to the fact that I can't find a job would be the time to actually start my own business. The only draw back is that I have no money to start the business, which would mean I would have to get a loan or some how come across a grant. Second, the economy currently sucks and I'm not positive how well my business actually would do at the moment. Especially in the town we're in. So it's one of those things where I would be taking a major risk if I were to start my own business. Not to mention after my husband graduates we have no intention of staying here.

So I guess if anyone is reading this...what would you do or suggest?

Feeling Helpless....

Right about now I feel helpless....for the first time in a long time I feel completely speechless. I have friends in trouble, but I hurt so bad for them right now I don't even know what to say about it all. I'm shocked and appalled at how selfish people are sometimes. They do things without even thinking about the consequences of their choices. They forget that their choices not only affect them, but everyone around them as well. When you do something that hurts other people the damage is done and there's no going back. Whether or not they forgive you is in their hands, but in the end all trust is lost. You'll never regain that same trust back. I feel sick thinking about the whole situation....it's like a bad dream that none of us can wake up from. It's a terrible sinking feeling. Satan does everything in his power to destroy relationships and people's lives and it's aweful when people allow him to cause damage. All I can say is that it starts with the little things and if you don't care of the little things then they grow into big scary monsters. I'm furious and sad all at the same time about the situation. Part of me wants to retaliate to defend a friend and the other part of me knows that being a Christian means grace and mercy. I hate that in between feeling of "what should a person do...which choice is right." I guess in the end both could be right, but both could be wrong too depending on how things are perceived. I know everything is in God's hands, but it's just hard to make sense of it all. I'm not even in the middle of it, but it's close enough that it hits home pretty hard. I know maybe none of this makes sense, but I can't give details and I just needed to write down my feelings. Just pray that God would majorly intervene in this situation and bring lots of healing and forgiveness.

This Crazy Life....

If there's one thing you can count on it's change. No matter how hard we try, we can't stop it. Sometimes it's welcomed and at other times you think you've accepted it and then it hits you and you realize you weren't really ready for it. For example and I know this may sound slightly childish, but our family dog that we've had for 10+ years got sick and died recently. And honestly I thought I was ready for it because so many changes have happened lately and he was just so old...it just seemed like the right timing. Vanessa and I got married, we both moved, we both started new jobs, David transfered to Tarleton and started a new job, and Priscilla is a senior in high school this year. I thought I was dealing with all the changes very well and then Oscar (the dog) died and for days I just cried. I couldn't help but think that I was being completely ridiculous for crying so much over a dog, but then I realized that it really was a sad thing because he was family and I also realized I hadn't allowed myself to let all the changes really sink in. I think because all of the other changes were happy ones I forgot to allow myself time to really reflect on them and realize that my entire life had been completely altered. That's kind of a big deal...in fact a very big deal. I think I just got so busy trying to make the changes happen, my brain and even my heart slightly checked out of reality for a moment. Crazy that a person can do that, but it happens. The same thing can happen when there is a tragedy. Some people deal with the greif right away and others seem to hold it in and check out for a moment because they get so caught up in trying to make life move on normally afterwards. Life gets crazy busy sometimes and when it does it's hard to just take the time to sit down long enough to even think. So I think my goal for this weekend is to get by myself and think/pray about a lot of things. There's a lot going on right now and I feel like when I don't take the time to pray and think I begin to lose myself. Does anyone else ever feel like that? Almost as if time slips away and then all of a sudden you're stuck wondering what on earth were you doing all that time. This is the first time I've sat down to write since my last blog. I actually wanted to earlier today, but when you have a million questions coming from 20 different middle school kids you don't really have the time. Granted I was at work to, so you know lol! I also saw a friend's blog tonight and realized that I needed to update my life story as well, but I'll continue all of that another day. So to all of you I guess I just want to say.... take time for yourself. Do the things you love and spend time with the people you love. Don't allow the business to take over and take time to reflect on your life.

Just a little bit of stress...

So I'm at a training conference this week and honestly it's very boring...don't tell anyone I said that lol.

For those of you wondering how my wedding planning is going, well so far so good I think. For the most part I'm loving it, however I'm beginning to realize that it's something that takes up a lot of time or it can anyway. There's a lot research that goes into looking for everything to make it exactly what you want. If you are wondering...I have decided to go with a vintage theme. And no you're not allowed to wear your clothes from the 70's & 80's to my wedding. That's not vintage, that's more what I would call retro. Vintage is classic/classy...1920's and 30's style. I don't know what it is about antique/vintage things, but I'm extremely fascinated. I think it all started with my fascination for old photographs. I absolutely love them, hence the reason I tend to make some of my photography projects involving people dressed in vintage clothing.

Also, apparently planning a wedding is a little more stressful than I thought. I also thought that this would end up cheaper than it's coming out to be...which really it's not too bad...I guess I was just naive. There's also unnecessary drama that we've run into that quite frankly I don't understand. I wish everyone would just realize that this is the one event in mine & David's life that is completely totally about us and what we want. Not what everyone else wants. If we wanted to get married while sky diving then everyone should just be happy for us...no matter what. Anyway, I'm not worried about it...we'll just have to keep doing whatever is that we want to do. Just pray that things go smoothly and stress free as we plan our wedding.