Feeling Helpless....

Right about now I feel helpless....for the first time in a long time I feel completely speechless. I have friends in trouble, but I hurt so bad for them right now I don't even know what to say about it all. I'm shocked and appalled at how selfish people are sometimes. They do things without even thinking about the consequences of their choices. They forget that their choices not only affect them, but everyone around them as well. When you do something that hurts other people the damage is done and there's no going back. Whether or not they forgive you is in their hands, but in the end all trust is lost. You'll never regain that same trust back. I feel sick thinking about the whole situation....it's like a bad dream that none of us can wake up from. It's a terrible sinking feeling. Satan does everything in his power to destroy relationships and people's lives and it's aweful when people allow him to cause damage. All I can say is that it starts with the little things and if you don't care of the little things then they grow into big scary monsters. I'm furious and sad all at the same time about the situation. Part of me wants to retaliate to defend a friend and the other part of me knows that being a Christian means grace and mercy. I hate that in between feeling of "what should a person do...which choice is right." I guess in the end both could be right, but both could be wrong too depending on how things are perceived. I know everything is in God's hands, but it's just hard to make sense of it all. I'm not even in the middle of it, but it's close enough that it hits home pretty hard. I know maybe none of this makes sense, but I can't give details and I just needed to write down my feelings. Just pray that God would majorly intervene in this situation and bring lots of healing and forgiveness.

This Crazy Life....

If there's one thing you can count on it's change. No matter how hard we try, we can't stop it. Sometimes it's welcomed and at other times you think you've accepted it and then it hits you and you realize you weren't really ready for it. For example and I know this may sound slightly childish, but our family dog that we've had for 10+ years got sick and died recently. And honestly I thought I was ready for it because so many changes have happened lately and he was just so old...it just seemed like the right timing. Vanessa and I got married, we both moved, we both started new jobs, David transfered to Tarleton and started a new job, and Priscilla is a senior in high school this year. I thought I was dealing with all the changes very well and then Oscar (the dog) died and for days I just cried. I couldn't help but think that I was being completely ridiculous for crying so much over a dog, but then I realized that it really was a sad thing because he was family and I also realized I hadn't allowed myself to let all the changes really sink in. I think because all of the other changes were happy ones I forgot to allow myself time to really reflect on them and realize that my entire life had been completely altered. That's kind of a big deal...in fact a very big deal. I think I just got so busy trying to make the changes happen, my brain and even my heart slightly checked out of reality for a moment. Crazy that a person can do that, but it happens. The same thing can happen when there is a tragedy. Some people deal with the greif right away and others seem to hold it in and check out for a moment because they get so caught up in trying to make life move on normally afterwards. Life gets crazy busy sometimes and when it does it's hard to just take the time to sit down long enough to even think. So I think my goal for this weekend is to get by myself and think/pray about a lot of things. There's a lot going on right now and I feel like when I don't take the time to pray and think I begin to lose myself. Does anyone else ever feel like that? Almost as if time slips away and then all of a sudden you're stuck wondering what on earth were you doing all that time. This is the first time I've sat down to write since my last blog. I actually wanted to earlier today, but when you have a million questions coming from 20 different middle school kids you don't really have the time. Granted I was at work to, so you know lol! I also saw a friend's blog tonight and realized that I needed to update my life story as well, but I'll continue all of that another day. So to all of you I guess I just want to say.... take time for yourself. Do the things you love and spend time with the people you love. Don't allow the business to take over and take time to reflect on your life.